You are welcome to this years first edition of our marriage retreat, with the theme “Change starts with who in Marriage?”
• Marriage is a beautiful institution that originated from God Himself.
• It is meant to be a beautiful experience, a foretaste of “heaven on earth”.
• There are different phases in marriage and it needs different behaviour. If you are no willing to change and adapt, you will not enjoy your marriage
Quotes on Change
• Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, is quoted as saying “change is the only constant in life.”
• Henry Ford also said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
• Wikkipedia defined INSANITY as “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT SHOULD CHANGE?
1. THE VIOLENT MAN:
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”
• These ones are easily provoked at the slightest opportunity?
• These ones beat their wives to show that they are the boss in the house.
• They will be quick to tell the woman “I am the man in this house”
GOLDEN RULE: If you love your wife as your own body, you will not be violent to her or mistreat her.
2. THE ABSENTEE FATHER/ UNAVAILABLE MAN
“Like a bird that wanders from its nest, Is a man who wanders from his place.”
• These are the men that are never around to support their wife and children.
• They are either womanisers or workaholics
• Some of them prefer to be with their friends rather than go home after work
GOLDEN RULE: Love your wife and family and be there for them
3. THE IRRESPONSIBLE REPRESENTATIVE
1 Timothy 5:8
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
• They are very generous to everyone else except their wife and children. They will not provide enough for their family even when they can do so.
• These will put their brother, sister, mother, friend rather than their wife as their next of kin in their offices
• If they buy a property or properties their immediate family will not be in the know.
• These ones do not protect their family from undue family interference
GOLDEN RULE: Provide for your family’s need as much as you can and protect them from any harmful environment or persons
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT SHOULD CHANGE?
1. A SCATTERER
“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
• These kinds of women are the ones that always stoke the fire of war in the family
• If her husband is angry with his siblings, instead of trying to make peace, she will be butting their heads against each other
GOLDEN RULE: Learn to always seek the path of peace
2.THE UNGRATEFUL WOMAN
2 Timothy 3:2
“For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,”
• These kinds of women are never appreciative of their husbands no matter what he does
• They are always comparing him with others who they feel are better, richer, more loving than their husbands
• They are never satisfied with their status in life
b. Selfish: she always wants everything to be done her way or not at all
3. THE DISRESPECTFUL WOMAN
10 On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded….seven eunuchs who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, 11 to bring Queen Vashti before the king wearing her royal crown, in order to show her beauty to the people and the officials, for she was beautiful to behold. 12 But Queen Vashti refused to come at the command brought by his eunuchs; therefore, the king was furious, and his anger burned within him.
• These kinds of women are very rude to their husbands
• They do not listen to advise or instruction
• They are selfish and they want things to always go their way
• They treat him anyhow especially when they are making more money than him
GOLDEN RULE: Learn to give honour and respect to your husband as the head of the home and family
CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS IN THE HOME
• The major criteria for success in Marriage is ONENESS. God wants us to become one in mind, soul and body when we get married.
• There is so much power in unity: Jesus Christ prayed to God the Father in John 17:11 to make the disciples one.
“Now I am no longer in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are.”
• God acknowledges that nothing will be impossible to those who unite. They will accomplish whatever they put their minds to.
Remember the tower of babel in Genesis 11:5-6?
“But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. 6And the Lord said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them”
• The same will happen in any marriage relationship that both partners are in one accord.
The devil understands this as well and so he will try to ensure that couples do not access the power that lies in unity.
How does the devil fight UNITY in the Marriage?
1. He does this by causing misunderstanding and miscommunication between the couple.
2. When misunderstandings occur each partner blames the other and no one wants to accept being in the wrong
3. If this lingers for too long, it might cause a rift that may be difficult to bridge and which could eventually lead to separation and divorce
WHO SHOULD CHANGE IN MARRIAGE?
• Al Hoffman and Dick Manning (1952) said “it takes two to tango”.
• For the marriage to work, the husband must be willing to make allowances as well as the wife. If it is only one partner that is doing all the change and adjustments, the partner may eventually get tired and feel that he/she is being taken for granted.
WHAT TO CHANGE?
YOUR ATTITUDE WILL DETERMINE YOUR ALTITUDE – ZIG ZIGLAR
1. Don’t say anything negative to your spouse. If you don’t have something positive to say, keep quiet
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath
2. Show an unexpected gesture as an act of kindness
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”
3. Be generous towards your partner to show how much you value them
“The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself.”
4. Ask after the welfare of your spouse. Be mindful of them
5. Pray for one another
“and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much”.
6. Listen to each other, don’t be quick to jump to conclusion
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear,
7. Study your spouse, learn to know what they like and don’t like
8. Watch out for parasites; things that suck life out of your marriage. They may be in the form of addictions, negative friends
The desire of God for our marriages is that it should be joyful and happy.
Therefore, it is our responsibility to fight for our marriages and our family. God will help us and our homes will become a place of refuge and succor to all the members in Jesus name. Amen